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When Anxiety Lies

Updated: Jan 2, 2019

You would not believe

The stories I've told myself

That have caused me such trouble

Stories about things

Such as glances, words, lack of words


I smile

On the outside

Showing you my best colors

But inside

My mind darts

From one angle to the next

Playing out possibilities

As if they were probable


Solving each one

Silently

With my quick mind

Because

I want to know

For sure

That

Nothing will fall

Or falter


That

I haven’t

Fallen

Or faltered


Before I know it

I’ve created

Another world

In which everything is in dissaray

That you can’t see

But I can feel


I’m short of breath

Convinced if only

I solve this one ”problem”

The world will be right again


But nothing is ever right

Yet there is a rightness to it all

So I’ve learned that this is

What I have trouble tolerating

Ambiguity

I crave certainty

Where it does not live


These stories

Are my attempt

At easing my anxiety\

Yet instead of bringing me peace

They cause me harm

In the form of breathlessness

And frankly, self-destruction

What I’m learning is that

In these moments

I need to

Relax

Take a breath

Laugh kindly

At my thoughts

The outrageousness

How creative

I must be


Smile

For my heart

Is still perfectly intact

As is the moment

That I’m worrying about

Even if there’s a bit of falling or faltering

It‘s forgiven

And if it’s not

I’m okay


Photo by Caleb George on Unsplash

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